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They don’t have the identical historical past, not the identical place in society, not the identical temperament. Brigitte Macron has been the First Woman for 3 years. An odd job on the Élysée, which she performs with a eager sense of accountability and the will to be helpful, and a dedication as fixed as it’s discreet to essentially the most weak. Andréa Bescond is a gifted artist, humorous and money, combative. Dancer, actress and director, she informed of her childhood devastated by a pedophile within the theater and within the cinema in “Les Chatouilles” (movie launched in 2018). As we speak, she is publishing a sequence of three books for youngsters (“What if we speak to one another?”, Ed. Harper Collins, in bookstores September 16) to assist them know their rights, to call the components of their our bodies. and to higher defend themselves in opposition to totally different types of violence (see field p. 80). It’s to assist his initiative and break this damaging taboo that Brigitte Macron, regardless of being solicited from all sides, has agreed to step out of her typical reserve. The story of those two genuine ladies is that of a friendship solid round a typical conviction: to higher assist youngsters and youngsters, we should act upstream. And, as this won’t occur with out the mobilization of the entire of society, it’s time to make a distinction. High-quality connoisseurs of this scorching subject, Brigitte Macron and Andréa Bescond recognize and speak to one another, and know that true friendship doesn’t consist in essentially agreeing on all the things. This distinctive interview befell throughout a lunch on the Élysée in late August. The dialogue was energetic and spontaneous, benevolent and at instances poignant. A uncommon freedom of speech, which we’ve chosen to transcribe as it’s. Dialogue subsequently damaged sticks, interspersed with confidences of two moms viscerally involved about the suitable to childhood for all.
SHE. Why did you write these youngsters's books?
ANDRÉA BESCOND. I did this as a mom, citizen and lady who suffered from childhood sexual violence. I dream of a society by which I can’t be afraid for my youngsters or for everybody else. The intention of the books is to assist youngsters generate a dialogue with adults, whereas giving them concrete information about their rights, their our bodies, their privateness… An knowledgeable youngster is healthier protected. Everybody ought to know that violence, in all its varieties, isn’t regular.
SHE. Brigitte Macron, you’re in nice demand, for what causes have you ever chosen to publicly assist this initiative?
BRIGITTE MACRON. To start with, as a result of assembly Andréa doesn’t go away you detached! Her trigger I embraced instantly. I needed to know, perceive, assist. I’m not Candide within the land of El Dorado, I knew this violence existed, however at this level, I didn’t think about it. Life had spared me. I began listening to testimonies about this violence as quickly as Emmanuel entered politics. Up to now three years, a couple of in two letters I’ve acquired on the Élysée have come from a baby, adolescent or dad and mom who report bodily, psychological and sexual violence to me. This summer season it was nearly 100%. When folks ask for the president's spouse, they've tried all the things earlier than. I’ve a greater than acute consciousness of the intense vulnerability of childhood, and I imagine that we should act upstream to guard it. That’s the purpose of Andrea’s nice books, which I’m positive may help save youngsters. A bit of one ought to know his rights. He should know that his privateness should be preserved. To do that, you need to begin by with the ability to identify issues.
SHE. To sort out this disturbing topic head-on, you want a sure braveness… From what conviction or from what private necessity does this dedication come?
B.M. It isn’t I who’ve the braveness, however those that dare to talk up! Since victims have the braveness to talk up, we should uphold their phrase.
A.B. Once I was 9, I used to be the sufferer of a pedophile. The trauma that follows is the story of my life. I'm not the one one, there are a whole lot of us. Like me, different victims testify and associations are shifting, alerting, shaking the coconut palm … But there are nonetheless as many youngster victims. Each morning, I consider the 165,000 youngsters raped every year, and I do know that a youngster dies each 4 days in France by the hands of his dad and mom. My internal fireplace, that's it. So long as I'm alive I'll battle to make that change.
B.M. I accompany Emmanuel to the Élysée for 5 years with the will to be helpful as a motivation. My aim is to be the voice of those that can’t be heard. Essentially the most lovely factor you are able to do on this world is to be with youngsters. I’ve this want anchored to the physique, it’s a very intimate conviction. However I by no means imagined how a lot they wanted us.
SHE. Why ?
B.M. I've informed you in regards to the couriers, however I'm not making a visit, even on a totally totally different subject, with out this problem coming to me in a method or one other. Not one! Final summer season, in Bormes-les-Mimosas, a younger man of 17 or 18 got here to see me on the street: "Madam, I’m attempting to rebuild myself." His mom explains to me that he has been harassed for 4 years, and that he has tried suicide. Testimonials like this occur nearly every single day. There may be an unprecedented charge of violence, and with the Web it by no means stops, it's across the clock.
SHE. Your books, Andréa, are written for youngsters. Is it not moderately the dad and mom who must be sensitized?
A.B. That is true, as a result of a baby isn’t accountable for violence, by no means! It’s as much as adults to be accountable for their actions, and to know the regulation. If I invite all adults to learn these books with a baby, it’s as a result of within the course of they are going to be empowered. I don't need to mess up, you already know. I don't need somebody in ten years to return and inform me: "I learn certainly one of your books after I was little, however after I appeared for an grownup to speak to about what occurred to me, not a single one helped me. ” It has to alter.
B.M. Clearly, additionally it is needed to handle adults! Mother and father are generally very poor. Not too long ago, there was a 13-year-old woman who purchased herself a bra, took an image of herself and despatched it to a pal. The following day, the picture was posted in his classroom, crossed out with the phrase “bitch”. The beginning of hell on social media. The younger woman now not needed to go to high school, needed to die a number of instances … A guardian doesn’t essentially consider warning in regards to the penalties of such acts. One can’t think about the diploma of violence of “revenge porn” or “ficha” accounts on the networks… It was Adrien Taquet (Secretary of State for Kids and Households, editor's observe) who alerted me on the resurgence of those practices, I referred to as the overall supervisor of Fb France to speak about it… There ought to nearly be a consumer handbook, a information to assist dad and mom right now, overwhelmed by all this. In my technology, we discovered "I'm elevating my youngster" by Laurence Pernoud, in all maternity wards, it was treasured!
SHE. You’re very totally different, and occupy a distinct place in society, how was your friendship born?
B.M. With Andréa, it was quick! I mentioned to myself: “This woman dares all the things, she's going! A mutual pal, Stéphanie Bataille, the director of the Antoine Theater in Paris, launched us to when Emmanuel was within the countryside. We had lunch collectively. I discovered it wonderful. I needed to know all the things, she needed to clarify all the things to me. In a short time, we noticed one another once more.
A.B. I used to be stunned, as a result of it was a number of months earlier than the presidential election and Brigitte gave me her quantity right away. I felt that perhaps we had one thing to perform collectively, however I believed it was somebody who would undoubtedly fall into one other world. On the evening of Emmanuel Macron’s election, I despatched him a well mannered message: “Congratulations, good job, good luck!”, With out imagining a solution for 2 seconds. A minute later, I acquired a textual content: "Andrea, I’ll all the time be by your facet in your battle." I used to be like, "Wow, that is robust! She is sweet, this lady! "
B.M. One night, within the fall of 2017, with Nicole Belloubet and Marlène Schiappa, we got here to the theater to see your play "Les Chatouilles". On the finish, you requested the viewers, "Can victims of kid crime increase their arms?" We noticed one particular person arise timidly, then two, then three, and at last half of the room. It was startling. This battle should change into extra seen. The extra we speak about it, the extra it strikes issues. It ought to be a part of that of ladies, there are such a lot of widespread topics! The phrases of small victims, for instance, must be carried out systematically in a safe place, unexpectedly, to forestall them from reliving this tragedy over and over. This consideration of phrases is simply as essential for ladies victims of violence. After which home violence can also be violence in opposition to youngsters. Many ladies who’ve put up with their associate's violence for a really very long time determine to file a grievance the day they contact one of many youngsters …
A.B. Sure, it should be mentioned: witnessing violence, whether or not bodily, psychological, verbal or sexual, pulverizes a baby. When confronted with dad and mom who’re always arguing, a baby can’t be effectively. The identical goes for visible violence. To come back throughout pornography is a trauma for a kid. Ladies or boys, they don’t have the psychic means to defend themselves in opposition to it. It is usually a message of sexual submission, of non-consent that can have penalties later … Within the face of all this violence, remaining passive is a approach of being complicit. We’re scandalized by the complacency of adults within the Matzneff affair, we’re speaking a few sure period … But the legal guidelines already existed. We will subsequently see that the topic is the accountability and vigilance of all adults in a society.
SHE. You’re each moms, how did you strategy this troublesome topic together with your youngsters with out panicking them?
B.M. I’m from a technology the place it was talked about little or no. It was difficult as a result of neither my son nor my daughters needed to listen to about it. As quickly as I broached the issue, they might say, “We all know! After which, I used to be with them on a regular basis, I by no means took off from them.
A.B. With mine, I attempted to strategy issues like in my little books, as merely as potential. Household secrets and techniques are poisonous, your youngster will all the time really feel that you’re hiding one thing, that you’ve got a knot in you. They seize all the things, they’re sponges. I informed them about their our bodies, their rights… But in addition about my childhood. I informed them, “Once I was little I had a secret that made me depressing for a really very long time. It turned the present "Les Chatouilles". Odette's story is mine. "
B.M. Have they seen him?
A.B. Sure. Within the theater, aged 6 and seven. Sitting firmly on dad's knees, they noticed mum dancing on stage, then mum applauded. They felt the emotional cost as a result of, ultimately, lots of people have been crying, coming to say thanks. From the age of 6, my son informed me: "Mother, it's loopy how folks love you whenever you're Odette!" "
SHE. As we speak they’re eight and 9 years previous …
A.B. Sure. And so they know that if one thing ever occurs, we are going to imagine them and act to get them out of a problematic scenario. Having the ability to rely on trusted adults is without doubt one of the keys. And it’s difficult. As a result of you may't speak to mother or dad if certainly one of them beats or rapes, and the opposite is complicit, passive, or beneath management. Each grownup ought to have the civic will to be related and attentive to the indicators despatched by a struggling youngster.
SHE. Acknowledge that it isn’t all the time simple …
A.B. No, however after we hear an exhausted grownup say to his youngster: "Shut up, in any other case you’ll take one" or "You appeared for it, your slap, you discovered it", we will now not stay silent. . When a member of the family or a pal “abandons” their child after a troublesome separation, dropping their custody rights, even quickly, you need to say no, remind them of their accountability… I do it, even when it means trying like a ache within the ass. All of us need to get began, bizarre residents like me and establishments. Nobody must be taken for a sucker who provides classes!
B.M. Generally it's awkward … I’ve seen a mom slap her son fairly onerous on the street. I went to see her. I used to be very shocked, earlier than realizing that her little boy had nearly been run over. The mom was afraid …
A.B. Yeah, effectively, she acquired scared. Does that excuse him?
B.M. In fact not. However this reflex doesn't essentially make her a foul mom … You may't make dad and mom really feel responsible on a regular basis both. Most assume they’re doing effectively. All dad and mom have made and can make errors. It’s a must to clarify to them what abuse is. Many nonetheless assume that a good spanking is an academic technique. I’m for serving to dad and mom moderately than making them really feel responsible.
A.B. They may also be reminded that that is now prohibited by regulation.
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